Well, I am doing okay. The scope procedure went pretty good. They had to do an incision in one of my bile ducts. I also have a steel plate in my pancreas. That is fun. Still very sore, but am dealing with it. The pain meds are good. I also have developed a slight case of pancreatitus. Not fun. It hurts. The ER said if I get any worse I am to get back because they will probably have to admit me to do the antiobiotics and better pain meds then I am on. So we are keeping an eye on that. And with two people in my family being pregnant, I am getting even more upset and pissed. I just don't know how much longer I can deal with this. I know people have said it will happen when it is time. Yeah, that is all fine and dandy, but if you don't have a doctor that will do what he is supposed to do, how is it supposed to happen. My mother thinks that even though the test was negative several months ago, when I was put on the Provera, she thinks I miscarried. My cousin just found out she was pregnant after taking tests on a constant basis, and she is now 15 weeks pregnant. They did do a beta test and it was negative. Yeah, because of the Provera. I just don't know what to do anymore. I know that I have someone lined up to be a surrogate, but I want to carry my own child. I want to be the mother. Mike is afraid that if someone else carries it for me, I will not take to it like a mother. I guess I have that fear also. That is because I want to carry the child on my own. Not have everyone else do it for me. That is not fair to me. I have all the love in the world to give a child. I helped raise the most beautiful girl that I know of for three years. If that is as close as I will get to being a mother, well, personally, it sucks. I just don't know what to do any more. So feel free to tell me to go see a doctor. It is hard to do when my OB doesn't care what is going on or bother to check up on me to make sure that things are going all right. By now, I would have figured I would have been having tests done or be seeing a specialist. My god I am even ready to have them give me shots on a constant basis to get pregnant. I know I would be risking multiples, but honestly, I am looking at it as if I am meant to have how ever many I am pregnant with, then I will do my damndest to carry them. I just don't know what to do any more. I am about to give up. I won't ever be a mother. Oh well. It is my fault. I fucked up somewhere in my life, and now I have to pay the consequences. Screwed two married men behind their wives backs. Done a bunch of other awful things in my life, and this is the pay back. I don't get to be a mother.